This time of year, it’s all about the slime.
In the last century, existentialists and nihilists wrote about our revulsion in response to the the primeval ooze from which life emerges, memorably voiced by the poet Baudelaire who described a woman he knew as “…a kind of slimy wineskin brimming with pus.”
Thanks to the original 1984 “Ghostbusters,” to “slime” someone became an active verb. In response to audience approval, other lesser cinematic slime-fests followed, including the 1988 “Slime City.”
Everyone except the average five-year-old boy claims to be repelled by the ick factor, but let’s keep it real: slime is perhaps the key reason that people who love Halloween love it so much.
Slippery, silky, stringy. stretchy slime including the contents of a pumpkin, often called the “brain” or the “guts,” recall the texture of human mucosa. OK, all together now: E-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w.
It’s not lost on us that “slime”-type products now represent a huge segment of the children’s toy market. Items like Pumpkin Patch Mini Glow Thinking Putty® and Slime Charmers ™ with names like Dumpster Dive and Dino Dew confirm the appeal of the gross.
But here in the midst of pumpkin season, it’s easy to make your own slime using a pumpkin, some Elmer’s glue and some liquid laundry starch. Online recipes for DIY borax-based slime and fluffy slime also abound year-round. Why? IYKYK. Ask your grandkids.
Furthermore, the texture suggests decay, quite apropos for Muertos and Hallows season. Ashes to ashes, slime to slime. “Carved” at Descanso Gardens through October 30 is our region’s ultimate setting for viewing carvery as an art form. But even if you’re just doing the basics—two triangles for eyes, one triangle for the nose, and a mouth of jaggedy, raggedy pumpkin-fangs– you naturally want your creation to last.
After all, an uncut pumpkin can maintain its firmness for months, especially if you disinfect the surface (keep reading). But a cut, carved gourd will usually begin to implode with a week or two.
Two primary reasons: “Carved” master-carver Zack Faraday reminds us that the typical opening move—slicing the top off the pumpkin—actually weakens the overall squash-structure, leading to quick shriveling and collapse.
The other cause of premature pumpkin loss is pathogens. Omnipresent fungi and bacteria in the air and even on your hands trigger pumpkin rot. Interior molds including Cladosporium, Penicillium, Aspergillus and Alternaria can infect and cause carved pumpkins to soften and start to grow fuzzy, gray spores almost immediately. Here we do just need to add, a rotting pumpkin does take on a truly ghastly, ghoulish vibe that some “Dexter”-ites might enjoy. One response is to regard the decomposition as an opportunity for a forensic investigation.
If you’d like to keep your pumpkins perky as long as possible, the key is to make both the exterior and interior surfaces of your squash as hostile to floating microbes as possible. Diluted household bleach undoubtedly gets the job done, but animal people we’ve consulted warn against using any form of sodium hypochlorite, sodium hydroxide, sodium carbonate and sodium chloride, even in the weakest concentration, in the interest of keeping wildlife safe.
Because you aren’t the only one who loves that big ol’ honkin’ slab of punkin’ pie. Raccoons, possums, skunks, and rodents love to nibble at the gooey, moist interior of a jack-o’-lantern, and once the gourd is cracked open, birds may join them.
Vaseline, recommended by some sources for coating the inside of the carved pumpkin to prevent moisture loss, is also not a good idea if your pumpkin will be on the outdoor menu. Vaseline can weigh down bird’s feathers (think: oil slick), and can cause stomach issues for most creatures if ingested.
If you plan to keep your carving indoors-only, then knock yourself out with the Chlorox and the petroleum byproducts. If not, using dish soap, white vinegar, or Citricidal (human food-grade grapefruit seed extract), here are some non-toxic steps that should keep your pumpkins firm without harming critters.
- First, don a pair of disposable gloves.
- Before carving, wash the exterior of your pumpkin with cool, soapy water, then rinse with your germicide of choice. Allow to dry completely.
- Then immerse the pumpkin in a bath of your preferred germicide for at least 8 hours.
- Although we know that super-carvers carve from the back, leaving the stemmed top in place, we generally don’t. So when you begin your carve, grab an ice-cream scoop and go “Mommy Dearest” on that bad boy. Scrape out every single seed, strand, string, and drip of goopy stuff, since these moist areas are fertile grounds for sprouting fungi and more.
- Spray the pumpkin daily with your anti-bacterial solution of choice.
- You know those disturbing little packets of silica anti-desiccants that are sometimes packed with a new pair of shoes? You can also find them online, at often at The Home Depot and Michael’s art supply. Toss a few of these inside the cavity to absorb moisture.
- Of COURSE use an LED candle inside it. Not only is a wax candle dangerous, but the heat emitted by the flame accelerates the rotting process.
- If your pumpkin shows signs of early degradation, plunge it into an ice bath to slow the inevitable.
- Rodent Repellant: To discourage squirrels specifically from nibbling at your masterpiece, try surrounding your jack-o’-lantern with coffee grounds, garlic, cinnamon, rosemary, Irish Sring soap, dryer sheets. Coyote urine would also work, if you can get the coyote to cooperate.
